Tag: Building The Leadership Muscle

Not too long ago, an ex-colleague passed away and I went for her last rites. This lady had worked with me for over 8-9 years in my previous organization and briefly also served as my Executive Assistant. We had high mutual regard for each other.

At the cemetery, the prayers were being said and for a few moments my thoughts moved elsewhere. When I snapped back to present time, I noticed everyone had their hands folded and were seemingly participating in the prayers. I immediately folded my hands, shut my eyes, and started to show that I am also participating in the prayers for the departed soul. I thought to myself that I could not be seen as insensitive, especially in front of a whole lot of ex-colleagues and the relatives of the deceased.

At that moment, it occurred to me that I was acting to pray and that I was not in the experience of the prayers for a dear colleague who had worked hard and had served my organization for many years. I was doing this to look good to people around me. It made me feel I was not being genuine.

Then on I tried to be in the prayer itself and stopped performing.

This has stayed with me ever since and I am now being alive to so many different times in a single day that my actions are a mere performance; and not so much for the experience of it. This includes very basic things like saying ‘good morning’ to my colleagues just for the sake of it, without meaning it.

This world sets us up for performance. We are being judged all the time and we are being compared to others as well as our own past performance. No wonder then each of us feels the pressure to outdo the last performance.

Performance is in the domain of doingness. While experience is in the domain of beingness. Sure, one needs to ‘do’ or ‘perform’ various acts. However, while one is doing or performing these acts, the person simultaneously needs to be alive to the experience of the act being done.

‘Be’ first and then ‘do’. Inconsistencies come in your ‘performance’ when you are not being the person you are acting to be. Last Saturday, I had unannounced visitors in my office. There was a young man and a lady, no more than 21 years of age promoting an NGO for educating orphans. The young man’s enthusiasm was contagious; and clearly he was interested in the NGO and the work they did. The way he spoke showed the genuine interest he had in making a difference for the children associated with this NGO. He was full of energy, going door-to-door seeking donations for the NGO. On the other hand, the lady with him seemed uninterested. She did make a few requests to me to make a donation. However, it was evident that her requests were made only to show that she had done her bit in seeking donations, while really she did not care.

The young man was experiencing making a difference in the lives of these children; while the young lady was only performing her role, without experiencing it.

Think of the last time at your job when you were not being the designation that you have and were only performing the tasks expected of that designation. Be alive to the impact it had on your way of being and how you felt at that point of time. Similarly, think of the last time when you were being the designation that you have and were performing inside of that being. Once again, be alive to the impact it had on your way of being and how you felt at that point of time.

Once you have done this, it should conclusively address the point that I am making here. It is not about Performance. It is about the experience!

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

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My life sucks ! was the status message of a Facebook friend. I thought to myself, “Don’t we all feel that way at some point in our lives?” May be, the intensity differs, but the feeling is familiar. But on deliberating further, a question popped up in my head: Who is responsible for your feeling? Exactly who led your life to a place where it now feels like it sucks? Was it your boss, your spouse, your parents or your in-laws, your friends, your foes?

The truth is that because we lead our own lives, each one is the leader of his or her life. And successful leaders take total and complete responsibility of the situation. Like a true leader, you can take total responsibility only when you accept that you alone are accountable for what happens in your life.

Now I’m not saying that you go on a self-berating rant and start finding faults within. Blame and responsibility are not the same. Blaming is finding fault; while responsibility is responding to something that requires attention. When you take responsibility, in effect, you empower yourself to transform whatever aspect of your life that needs a active, positive change.

So what keeps us from taking responsibility? It’s our self defeating pattern of thinking. This reminds me of a recent conversation with my cousin sister, when she said something apt, “A self defeating thought is like an ant. If you don’t get rid of the first one, very soon there will be this big line of ants that you will often find difficult to get rid of.”

People regularly lie to themselves. Some of the biggest lies that have a very high negative impact are:
”I cannot do this”

Let me repeat, since you lead your life, one thing is clear: You are a leader. And a leader is one who has a commitment to produce a desired result, even if it’s considered extraordinary, given the perceived circumstances. So, by telling yourself that ‘You cannot do something’ you’re lying to the leader within and dousing the fire and passion within you.

I recently got acquainted with a young man who works with his father. He manages the business exactly the way his father did. He has some great business ideas, but he believes he cannot execute them. He keeps saying to himself that he cannot do it. What surprises me is that he has not even attempted to execute these ideas, which could be potentially huge business opportunities. Of course, this is resulting in enormous [potential] financial loss. But to me, the greater loss is that of the opportunity for his inner spirit to express itself—the loss of a chance to build his confidence and for him to prove to himself the marvels that he is capable of. For only when he allows himself to get out of his comfort zone will he discover that ‘he can do it!’

Are there any lies that you’ve been telling yourself? Every time you catch yourself saying “I cannot do this”, ask yourself, “If I could do it, how would it be?” That will give you the courage you need to go forth.
“S/he is responsible for the problems in my life”
I have a friend who blamed her older brothers for where her life was before her marriage and then blamed her husband for her life situation after marriage. From what I know, the
brothers tried their best, given their circumstances, to provide whatever possible support they could to their younger sister. And the same can be said about her husband. He too gave her all the love and luxuries that any good husband could give his wife. However, here was a young, bright and talented lady who was not ready to shoulder the responsibility of her life and continued to pass the buck.
If you shift the blame on others for any issue of your life, you also relinquish the power available to you to transform that area of your life.
“That’s not true about me”

Every executive I know claims that s/he appreciates feedback. However, when genuine feedback is provided, the person dismisses it, and instead finds fault in what the other person said. Let’s face it—this is who you are in the eyes of the person giving you the feedback.
Whether you like it or not, accept it or not, the other person believes that about you. Leadership requires self-awareness and denial is one of the greatest obstacles that a leader faces in becoming self-aware.
“This is who I am”
That’s great! However, authentic leadership is all about your actions being consistent with who you hold yourself to be—for yourself and for others. If this is who you are, then let your actions show it and not your words. By claiming who you are, you have managed to
attract people’s attention. But when your actions are not consistent with your declarations, you have a problem now in the way you will be perceived.

According to L. Ron Hubbard, “Livingness is going along a certain course impelled by a purpose and with some place to arrive. It consists mostly of removing barriers in the channel, holding the edges firm, ignoring the distractions and reinforcing and re-impelling one’s progress along the channel. That’s life.”

So, identify your purpose and know what is that you want to arrive at. Once that is done, stay true to that purpose, remain consistent and rid yourself of all the distractions and barriers that prevent you from getting there.

Article originally written for The Complete Wellbeing February 2013 issue.

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

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A fascinating year is about to end and an exciting new year is about to begin.

There are two things that you can do:

1. Make a powerful entry into 2014; or,

2. Float into 2014 and happen to show up in the New Year.

I am certain you would like to make a powerful entry into the New Year and make 2014 the best year you’ve had till now. If that’s what you are interested in, read on.

So that you can make an authoritative and a commanding entry in the New Year, it is important to do a review of the last year (2013) and take stock. I am going to recommend a set of questions that you ask yourself. I have broken these questions into 2 parts – one that reviews and completes 2013 and another set that helps you declare your goals for the next year.

It is important to know ‘What is so’ about your life at the end of 2013; and then ‘where do you want to be this time next year’ so that you can make an unassailable entry into 2014 and achieve the goals for the New Year. These questions will help you get a deeper understanding of where you are today and where you want to be this time next year.

I am suggesting this to you after having completed this exercise and I can state out of experience, once you have done so, you will be making a very powerful entry in to the New Year.

1.      What have I achieved in 2013?

While answering this question, what I did was to break up my life into important areas and identified what is it that I achieved in each of these important areas of my life, such as: my personal life; my work; my health & well-being; and, Gift Your Organ Foundation (NGO); Just writing down my achievements in each of these areas gave me a great sense of achievement and a lot of power to look at audacious and bold goals for the New Year! I suggest you identify the important areas of your life and list out your achievements in each of these areas.

2.      What did I learn new in this year?

I have a keen interest in reading and continuously developing myself and one of the ways I evaluate my growth is based on the new things that I learn. I can easily state that 2013 has been a year of a lot of lessons for me, a year of a lot of new knowledge that I gained and the most important recognition of how much I don’t know yet and still need to gain. The more I learn, the more I feel I don’t know enough and hence the more I want to learn.

3.      What is it that I want to acknowledge myself for in this New Year

We perpetually see the good in others and compare ourselves to others. No wonder then that most times we fall short. This is the time of the year to step back for a few moments and pat yourself on the back for all the good that you are and all the good that you have done. I made a detailed list of points that I wanted to acknowledge myself for. I acknowledged myself for the various achievements of the year in different areas of my life, to something as simple as acknowledging my new found patience in certain trying situations. I discovered a new me in this process of acknowledging myself. Try it, it is a lot of fun, I promise!

4.      What is it that I missed out on this year?

I missed out on a few of targets and certain self development goals. By simply distinguishing what I missed out in the last year, it has helped me re-evaluate these targets and goals and the ones that continue to hold its importance in my life have found a place in what I want to achieve in the New Year.

5.      What do I want to achieve in 2014?

There are two ways to approach any goal in your life – one is to first identify ‘what’ is your goal and then figure out the ‘how’. The other is to first look at the resources that you have, the effort that it will take, and then determine your goal. A lot of people first look at the ‘how’ and based on the `how’, they decide the ‘what’, i.e., their goal.

I am firm believer that you need to figure out the ‘what’ first and the ‘how’ will take care of itself. Think of all your dreams, make them specific, make them measurable, put a deadline on these dreams and go after them! If there is sincerity in your effort, the universe will conspire to achieve these goals.

Break down the important areas of your life and identify ‘where would you like to be this time next year’ in each of these areas. Like I did while reviewing 2013, I have identified where I want to be this time next year in my personal life, my work, health and the Gift Your Organ Foundation. I also included places I want to travel in 2014 and other fun things that I would like to do and people that I would like to meet.

6.      What new do I want to learn in the New Year?

I have also identified what new I want to learn in the New Year. There are some specific goals that I have for myself in this area and I am committed to achieving these goals of gaining new knowledge. There are some courses that I have identified and will commence in the New Year.

Feel free to add more questions if you would like. The more you question yourself, the more you will seek answers from yourself.

Once you have done this, one last but an extremely important thing that will be required is that you will need a structure of people around you with whom you will need to share these goals; people who will not allow you to be lackadaisical and will continuously remind you of each of your goals; people who will hold you accountable to take actions to achieve these goals.

I have created a solid structure of people around me that hold me to account. If you would like to create a similar structure, please feel free to contact me on coaching@sameerdua.com

I can guarantee you, once you have done this, you will not only make a powerful entry in 2014, you will conquer the year!

Make 2014 count in your life!

Good luck and have a blast!

(I had written a blog post in December 2012 and given its relevance again at the end of this year, I have simply adapted that post. However, I have re-done, in complete, the exercise of answering the questions mentioned above. I encourage you to do so too and see the value for yourself.) 

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership. India.

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In the last two years, one of the starting points of conversations has been the Gift Your Organ Foundation. Interestingly, I get introduced by my friends to people as one of the founders of the Gift Your Organ Foundation and from there on the conversations most times begin with Organ Donation, the organ transplantation scene in India, the work done by the Gift Your Organ Foundation and so on.

Last week, I had a close friend who had come over and was staying with me. He had visitors visiting him and I had the pleasure of being introduced to them. One of them was Amisha (name changed), a friend from Bombay. In this case, my friend had already spoken to Amisha about the Gift Your Organ Foundation and that I was involved with it even before we got introduced.

Not too far in the conversation, Amisha mentioned to me that her father’s eyes were donated and she had confirmation that two people got their eyesight because of her father’s donation. With moist eyes, she stated, ‘I felt my father’s death had a purpose’. I could listen to the pride in her voice and that pride to some extent had overcome the grief of her father’s demise.

That her father had to die was not in her control, but to give her father’s demise a purpose was in her control and she did exactly that.
In the last two years, I have seen so many such instances and each one of them is similar in this one sense. The family has such deep love for the deceased member and that love drives them to donate organs / tissues of the person.

Donating organs provides a new perspective to death. It provides a perspective of life after death, a perspective not of pain, but one which gives a lot of satisfaction and pride.

For information on Organ Donation and to pledge your organs, please visit the Gift Your Organ Foundation website. For any questions or clarifications, please email celebrate@giftyourorgan.org

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India.

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