Year: 2016

There is a whole world of blame that many of us live in and the interesting part is most of us are not even aware that we blame!.

Let’s take a closer look.

Brene Brown, a researcher and an author of repute says, “Blame is a way to discharge pain and discomfort.”I do believe, it is a subconscious cover-up to avoid facing situations head on! In other words, it is an excuse – a temporary getaway from looking into myself.

As humans, we are very quick to make stories in our head; as soon as an event takes place we are ready with a story. And a lot of times it’s a story of ‘Who is to blame for this and who can we point fingers toward’.  We believe that the story we just made up is the truth and react on it, probably in most instances causing more harm than good. Most people are blind to it that the story they just made up is their own and that they created it.

WHAT IS AT STAKE WHEN YOU BLAME?

Power-This is the most important bit, when you blame, you shift responsibility of the situation on someone else. It means, you are indicating that there was nothing you could have done to alter the results and that you were powerless and helpless. Powerlessness gives you no choice and hence there are no actions at your disposal.

Relationships– When you blame; you point fingers. Your relationship with the person you are pointing fingers at gets hurt. The trust the other person may have had on you can get impacted.

Results – There is so much time spent and wasted in blaming and figuring out who is to blame that results that were needed in the first place can get sidetracked. There is a delay in delivering the results and sometimes the results are not delivered at all.

Possibilities – When you indicate you are powerless, you close door for possibilities that you yourself could have been a source of. You indirectly shut yourself from seeing what more could be done to still achieve the results.

GETTING BACK POWER

Blame is the opposite of Responsibility.

The good news in all the seemingly chaotic situations is that instead of blaming if you decide to assume responsibility you regain power to choreograph your next moments. If instead of creating the story “You are the reason this situation is so bad” you create “Let me see what I can do to make this happen” you automatically assume responsibility.

The generative meaning of ‘Responsibility’ is being willing to be the cause in the matter. It means you will make things happen come what may; you are totally committed to the results you wish to achieve and your actions will be inside of this commitment. This stance of being accountable suddenly opens up a whole new world of power, a whole new world of possibilities. These actions were not available to you when you were busy blaming!

BLAME AND RESPONSIBILITY IN A NUTSHELL

	Blame	Responsibility
Definition	Is discharging pain and anger	Is willing to be the cause
Internal Story people subconsciously make	“It was someone else’s doing, I could not have done anything about it”	“I am accountable and have the power to decide the next course of action to best alter the results.”
Emotion	Resignation, frustration, anger	Resolution, courage, ambition, excitement
Impact on Trust	Trust between you and the person you have blamed may reduce	Trust between you and the person you have blamed can significantly elevate
Impact on the results	Results are delayed	The person assuming responsibility decides and regains power on the results
Impact on the possibilities	When there is blame the door to possibilities that can be generated in that instant is shut	When responsibility is assumed, a whole world of choices and actions opens up.

DO LEADERS BLAME?

My take is; a big No. Leaders take responsibility for the situation and would much rather focus at the task at hand and results they want to achieve. They take care of their relationships and ensure their actions are within what they care for. They embody being powerful in every moment of their life and helplessness is a space they would rather not prefer!

Here are a few questions I would like to leave you with. My suggestion is, give yourself sometime and introspect on them.

1. In which areas of my life am I choosing blame over responsibility?

Look deeply into every relation of yours and see what comes up for you.

Examples-

Do I blame my child for scoring less marks.? Could I have done something there? What can I do now?

Do I blame my subordinates / departments for delayed results.? Could I have done something there? What can I do now?

2. What results will I achieve if I assume responsibility in all the above areas?

When you authentically seek answers for these within yourself, chances are you will start to see the power you have to design your future!

Sheeja Shaju, Program Leader and Leadership Coach, Institute for Generative Leadership, India.

Schedule a Conversation

Please help us with your details.

In a day from now, we will be celebrating the Republic day of India. On 26th January 1950 – the Constitution of India came into force.

Coming from the world of Generative Leadership, believing in ‘Inside-Out’ leadership – meaning thereby when you lead yourself well, can you set yourself up to lead teams, organizations and nations effectively – I was pulled towards these two interesting words / phrases, namely, ‘Constitution of India’ and ‘Republic’.

First, the phrase, ‘Constitution of India’:

Constitution means the way in which a thing is composed. One would presume that a country would be constituted in its physicalness – however, isn’t it interesting to see that India is constituted in a document, i.e., in words, rather than its physicalness?

I want to connect this to you, and your leadership, but before we do that, lets look at the meaning of the second word that caught my attention: ‘Republic’.

The meaning of ‘Republic’ is: “a state in which the supreme power rests in the people (via elected representatives)”

I want to bring to your notice the depth of this – something that missed my attention despite celebrating Republic Day for over 35 years (ever since I started attending school):

1. That India got freedom in 1947, and that in 1950 India declared herself a Republic, meaning thereby, she declared that the people of India would have supreme power in its governance and in the creation of her future.

2. That India declared in words what constitutes India. This declaration, made in 1950 continues to be the supreme law and governs and overrules all other laws of this state.

If you are starting to connect with the profundity of this – that India is constituted in words, and not in its physicalness; and that India is a Republic, and it choosesto give her people the supreme power, then lets make the connection to you and your leadership.

The questions that come up are:

– How are you constituted? In your physicalness, or in your words that you knowingly or unknowingly use?
– Who has the supreme power in choosing your constitution?

Chances are your answer to the second question would be “I have the supreme power in choosing my constitution”, but the more important question is, “Are you effectively and consciously using this supreme power that you have in choosing your own constitution, and acting moment to moment inside of that?”

My guess is not!

You may have been born 25, 30, 40, 50 or even 60 years ago, like India was reborn as an independent nation in 1947. However, India took two and a half years to declare that the supreme power rests with her people, and to declare its constitution. Maybe time has come for you to declare that you

have the supreme power in the matter of your own life, and declare your constitution.

If this post makes sense to you, my request is please do not trivialize this process. India did not trivialize the creation of its constitution, and even to date, after 65 years, we celebrate India’s Republic Day.

Say it out aloud “I have the Supreme Power in the matter of my life”.

Say this to people that matter to you.

What does it mean to have supreme power in the matter of your life?

To have supreme power is to give yourself the authority in the matter of your life. Because you lead your life, is not evidence enough that you give yourself authority in the matter of your life. On the contrary, look around you; people have freely given authority away and are now living as victims of their spouses, managers, neighbors, and even strangers. In the words of George Bernard Shaw, living like, ‘feverish, selfish little clods of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making (them) happy.’

Give your self the ‘supreme power’ first, and then take your time to choose and create what constitutes you.

I want you to know that I was born in 1975, and only in 2010 did I give myself the supreme power to choose my constitution. Like the Indian constitution is a living document, my constitution also evolves with time.

As of today, I create, on the basis of the supreme power I give to myself, that I am constituted in my cares, and these domains of my cares, for your information and to support you to design yours, are (in no order of priority):

– My family
– My personal development, growth, and my health
– My organization – the Institute for Generative Leadership, and
– The foundation that I co-founded, Gift Your Organ Foundation.

I live every moment of my life only inside of taking care of these 4 cares now. When I created these 4 cares as my constitution, suddenly a shift took place in my life. I had an active social life earlier. My otherwise active social life was not a part of my constitution, and hence, actively socializing and partying seems irrelevant to me now.

This post, just before India’s Republic Day, is an invitation to you to:

1. Give yourself the supreme power – why, because you say so! (And do so aloud, unapologetically!)

2. Once you have done so, take your time to design what cares constitute you; and, design how can you take care of these cares that constitute you.

In the meantime, let’s celebrate India’s Republic Day. I am hoping that you will celebrate your own Republic Day soon!

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

Schedule a Conversation

Please help us with your details.