Year: 2014

I had a beautiful encounter one day with a troubled lady Police Constable. If an onlooker had to speak about the incident it would very literally appear that I was the one in trouble because I was stopped for speaking on the phone while driving. But the moments of those 20 minutes unfolded thus that she emerged as the one on the distressed side.

As she very angrily opened my car door, sat inside and guided me to the side of the road to interrogate me and slap me with a fine, I smiled. With one hand on my heart I only told her very genuinely that I am sorry to have done something so wrong. She looked at me and initially did not want to believe me and started lecturing me on road and traffic rules and all the sections of law under which she could fine me. I only looked into her eyes and said ‘I understand, I am sorry ’.

There was something in the pureness of that moment that changed her demeanour from an annoyed, frustrated official; to a meek, wanting to speak her heart out girl. She went on to tell me about the problems they face standing on the road whole day, amongst all the traffic and pollution with no moment or place to even sit in the day and about people who speak to them in demeaning tones and randomly go about breaking traffic rules making them almost believe that they should not have chosen this noble profession.

It amazed me to see the transformation in her body comportment, the tone of her voice and her speech. The only thing I did, was to listen to what she was conveying through her body, her mood and her words.

I did end up paying the fine but what mattered to me was that she left me with her beautiful smile and a new name on my friend’s list!.

My coach and Director of The Institute for Generative Leadership, Sameer Dua, always reminds me, ‘You can say anything you like, the thing that matters is what the other person is listening’. How powerful is that!

The listening we create in people is a responsibility we should be willing to shoulder. If for two days I allow my child to sleep off without brushing his teeth because I was busy with my chores when he slept off, the listening I have created for him is that I have no qualms about him going to bed without brushing. If on the third night I remind him to brush his teeth and he does not listen, I would be on the wrong foot if I listen to him being disobedient. Here, I would have to start all over again in inculcating the habit and be consistent with what I want him to listen!

How many times in a day do you speak to people through your words and actions and expect to be understood to the dot?

If your boss asks you for a report in a sterner tone than usual, do you listen to him being a rude and dominating man or a man with concern for the job to be done on time?

If your mother calls you three times and checks on where you are, do you listen to her being nosy or a woman in your life who loves you and cares for your well-being?

If your wife requests you to stay with her one evening instead of going out with your friends, do you listen to her being someone who wants to take charge of your life or someone who loves spending time with you?

How many times are you listening to what people actually want to convey?.

We are surrounded with people who matter to us and when they speak we listen to them, constantly, keeping in the foreground, the assessments we have about them and experiences we have had in the past with them.

What if we keep aside our assessments and historical experiences we have about these people and listen to what they are trying to really convey? Imagine the opportunity we would be giving them to emerge as possibilities of happiness in our lives and in turn creating a future of our choice!

So, the next time your employee calls in sick and would like a leave what is it that you will listen?

Sheeja Shaju, Leadership Coach, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

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The India – England One Day Cricket series is coming up after the Test series. Imagine the first One – Day match between India and England is in progress. Sachin Tendulkar is batting and India need 300 runs to win. In the stands, there are 40,000 people watching the match and each one of these 40,000 in the crowd has an advice for how Sachin Tendulkar should be playing to ensure India’s success in the match. Some want Sachin Tendulkar to get acclimatized to the conditions, the pitch and the bowlers before he gets aggressive; some others believe that India need a huge total to win and there is no time for acclimatization, if Tendulkar goes slow in the beginning, then the pressure will be upon the middle order to score at a higher run rate in the later part of the innings.

How do all these views matter to Sachin Tendulkar? Zero! Nothing at all! Waste of time!

Tendulkar, on the pitch there (read on the court), will do exactly as he thinks he should be doing. All these views of the entire 40,000 odd crowd mean nothing to him. And thank God for that! If Sachin Tendulkar took all these views every time he went to bat, one thing was for sure – he would have not lasted for 20 years in this very pressurizing and ever demanding game of cricket; more so in this country of cricket freaks!

Let’s now cut back to your life. Are you on the court as far as your own life is concerned? Are you taking actions to deliver results towards achieving your goals? I want to you to really think hard about this question. Most people I interact with regularly keep saying things like, I have wanted to go to the gymnasium for so many months now but just cannot get myself to; or, I have been planning to start my business but am waiting for the right opportunity; and so one and so forth.

Being on the court means being in action and not wondering what people around you are saying. Listening to too many will shake your conviction and take you off your course.

Then there these others who do get on to the court, but seek approval, assurance and views from the ‘people on the stands’. Sure seek others views; and that actually is a great idea. However, the views that are important are that of your coach, team mates, captain (read Manager), etc. Certainly not of the ‘people on the stands’. (And if you do not have a coach yet, seriously consider getting one.)

Being on the court means being the cause in the matter. Remember, it’s actions that you take that lead to your performance. History is evidence of the fact that no one has ever won the game by being on the stands.

Get on the court and feel the heat! Feel the heat of the perspiration, feel the heat of responsibility. Remember when you last went to the gym and after a hard hour’s workout, you so enjoyed the sweat rolling down your cheek. That stinking sweat was very important to stretch yourself, and make you a healthier person. Similarly, being on the court and taking actions is extremely important in stretching yourself and making you a successful person.

The problem for a lot of people is not that they don’t know what to do; the problem is that they don’t simply do it.

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India.

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‘Life is a game.. In order to have a game, something has to be more important than something else. If what already is, is more important than what isn’t, the game is over. So, life is a game in which what isn’t, is more important than what is.’ Werner Erhard

Life becomes very exciting when you treat it is a game. Our understanding of games is that games are fun, exciting and challenging. It becomes even more exciting when the opposition team is a good solid team and come what may, you want to win the game against this opposition. The thrill of beating an opposition considered better than you is unparalleled. And this is when the game is worth playing.

Consider now that your life is a game. Meeting your targets at work is a game; bringing up your child is a game; getting into shape and being fit is a game; earning an adequate amount of money to afford the lifestyle that you want is a game.

There are two types of games that you can play. One that you have always been playing every day, and even winning. Some people play the game of simply waking up in the morning and showing up at work. This is their game and they seem to be satisfied with this game. It works for them.

Does this work for you?

Right now, you are playing a game – the question is – Is this game that you are playing now worthy of you? Games have to be worthy of you. Can you imagine Vishwanathan Anand playing a game of chess with a local player and enjoying winning the game with him? Similarly, can you imagine Ratan Tata investing his time in acquiring a 10 -15 crore company. No chance! These people are playing games that are worthy of them.

The idea is to make it large; to make this game mighty; mightier than you are; bigger than a game you have ever played before. There is no fun in playing games that are not a challenge; that are not bigger than you are; and in effect; that which are not worthy of you!

Ask yourself, is simply going to the stadium your game? (and right now do ask yourself this question!).

I can tell you, if you answer this question honestly, a lot of you will say ‘Yes’ to this question. And if so, I suggest you get on to the court – Feel the heat of being on the court! Feel the pressure of playing an exciting game!

This can be different for different people.

Games are played and for your life to be a game, you need to ‘play’ the game of life. So, what does play mean?

The dictionary meaning of play is ‘Exercise or activity for amusement or recreation’; now, look at how close the meaning of the word ‘Work’ is. Work is defined as ‘an activity that is productive’. So, both words ‘play’ and ‘work’ mean ‘activity’, however, one is for amusement or recreation and the other is activity that is productive.

Now look at any successful person that you know off, and you will realize that this person did not differentiate between work and play. For them work was indeed play and play was work itself. They are involved in activities that are for amusement or recreation and are also simultaneously productive.

So, in conclusion, dismantle or collapse the difference between work and play. Go out and have fun. Make that fun productive for you; and so that you indeed expand, take on a game that you have never ever even imagined before!

I can guarantee you – you will surprise yourself!!

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

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