Year: 2013

For the fish, the entire world is under water. They don’t even know that there is life outside of water. The fish are incapable of coming out and searching for a new world. And hence, for them to believe that the entire world is under water may be acceptable.

However, as human beings, we have no excuse. Yet, we are caught up in our own worlds such that we don’t even know that there is a world out there that we have not yet discovered.

One of the dictionary meanings of the word ‘world’ is an area or sphere considered as a complete environment. I draw from this definition when I say ‘our own world’.  We consider our realm as a complete environment. Like the fish consider under water as the complete environment. However, our realm is not a real underwater world. Our world is made up of our own perspectives; our answers to questions. We form our own world, our own standpoint and then guard these so much that no one can challenge these. In other words, most of us now do not have a perspective; the perspective has gotten hold of us!

Your perspective is the world inside of which you live. It is like being a fish under water that refuses to acknowledge the other world out there. However, the difference is, this perspective is your creation, i.e., the realm that we consider as the complete environment.

A few thoughts for you to consider..

1. First of all, try to remember, there is a big, wide, world outside your perspective, your creation, which is as real as yours is. It is just that you haven’t discovered this world yet. The acknowledgement that there is a perspective outside of yours is the first step to discovering a new you.
2. The problem starts when you believe that your perspective is the truth. It is like the fish’s truth that the entire world is under water and hence the thought of discovering another world does not even occur to them. Remember, your perspective is not the truth; you have made it your truth.
3. Let your perspective be malleable and not rigid. And this is possible only when you understand that your perspective is your creation. You will realize that you can create any perspective that works for you.
4. Some perspectives are like boulders that we have put in front of us and then we complain that we cannot move ahead because of the boulders in front of us. Alter your perspective, and you will move these boulders out of your way. You will see new possibilities available to you.

There was a middle aged lady who worked in an organization that I recently consulted to. She was convinced that her colleagues, including her seniors and her peers did not like her and wanted her out of the organization. (This is what I mean by the ‘world you live in’) She lived in this world where she believed people did not like her and were out to get her. In one of my informal lunch conversations with her, I did a brief exercise with her.

I asked her to look around the cafeteria and identify everything that was green in colour. With an initial look of question, she jumped into the exercise and started to point me to all the green she saw – the artificial plant; the colour of the tiffin of one of the employees of her company; the green line on the lamp shade; a green checked shirt worn by a passerby; some green design on the coffee machine on the counter; and so on and so forth.

(Take a minute and do this exercise yourself – you’ll find this interesting!)

I then asked her two questions:

1. Had she noticed these green things before I asked her to look for the green in the room?  Her response was – no.
2. Did she notice any other colour when she went out looking for green? Again her answer was no.

You get what you look for. This lady had all this while been looking for evidence that her colleagues were out to get her and guess what she found? No brainer, isn’t it? She found the green – their every small action was considered as evidence that she was not required in the office.

I left that lunch meeting asking her to now look for the greatness in her colleagues. Go all out looking for their greatness in everything. It is very similar to going out and looking for the ‘green’. And when you go out looking for the green, you fail to notice any other colours. Initially, she had trouble doing so, however, with a little practice, she now only finds the greatness in people, at work and everywhere else. She misses everything else that does not point to the greatness of people.

My suggestion to you is to embark on a journey to question your view, your perspective and question it at every step of the way. Make sure you choose what you want to look for – remember you will only find what you go out looking for

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Not too long ago, an ex-colleague passed away and I went for her last rites. This lady had worked with me for over 8-9 years in my previous organization and briefly also served as my Executive Assistant. We had high mutual regard for each other.

At the cemetery, the prayers were being said and for a few moments my thoughts moved elsewhere. When I snapped back to present time, I noticed everyone had their hands folded and were seemingly participating in the prayers. I immediately folded my hands, shut my eyes, and started to show that I am also participating in the prayers for the departed soul. I thought to myself that I could not be seen as insensitive, especially in front of a whole lot of ex-colleagues and the relatives of the deceased.

At that moment, it occurred to me that I was acting to pray and that I was not in the experience of the prayers for a dear colleague who had worked hard and had served my organization for many years. I was doing this to look good to people around me. It made me feel I was not being genuine.

Then on I tried to be in the prayer itself and stopped performing.

This has stayed with me ever since and I am now being alive to so many different times in a single day that my actions are a mere performance; and not so much for the experience of it. This includes very basic things like saying ‘good morning’ to my colleagues just for the sake of it, without meaning it.

This world sets us up for performance. We are being judged all the time and we are being compared to others as well as our own past performance. No wonder then each of us feels the pressure to outdo the last performance.

Performance is in the domain of doingness. While experience is in the domain of beingness. Sure, one needs to ‘do’ or ‘perform’ various acts. However, while one is doing or performing these acts, the person simultaneously needs to be alive to the experience of the act being done.

‘Be’ first and then ‘do’. Inconsistencies come in your ‘performance’ when you are not being the person you are acting to be. Last Saturday, I had unannounced visitors in my office. There was a young man and a lady, no more than 21 years of age promoting an NGO for educating orphans. The young man’s enthusiasm was contagious; and clearly he was interested in the NGO and the work they did. The way he spoke showed the genuine interest he had in making a difference for the children associated with this NGO. He was full of energy, going door-to-door seeking donations for the NGO. On the other hand, the lady with him seemed uninterested. She did make a few requests to me to make a donation. However, it was evident that her requests were made only to show that she had done her bit in seeking donations, while really she did not care.

The young man was experiencing making a difference in the lives of these children; while the young lady was only performing her role, without experiencing it.

Think of the last time at your job when you were not being the designation that you have and were only performing the tasks expected of that designation. Be alive to the impact it had on your way of being and how you felt at that point of time. Similarly, think of the last time when you were being the designation that you have and were performing inside of that being. Once again, be alive to the impact it had on your way of being and how you felt at that point of time.

Once you have done this, it should conclusively address the point that I am making here. It is not about Performance. It is about the experience!

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

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My life sucks ! was the status message of a Facebook friend. I thought to myself, “Don’t we all feel that way at some point in our lives?” May be, the intensity differs, but the feeling is familiar. But on deliberating further, a question popped up in my head: Who is responsible for your feeling? Exactly who led your life to a place where it now feels like it sucks? Was it your boss, your spouse, your parents or your in-laws, your friends, your foes?

The truth is that because we lead our own lives, each one is the leader of his or her life. And successful leaders take total and complete responsibility of the situation. Like a true leader, you can take total responsibility only when you accept that you alone are accountable for what happens in your life.

Now I’m not saying that you go on a self-berating rant and start finding faults within. Blame and responsibility are not the same. Blaming is finding fault; while responsibility is responding to something that requires attention. When you take responsibility, in effect, you empower yourself to transform whatever aspect of your life that needs a active, positive change.

So what keeps us from taking responsibility? It’s our self defeating pattern of thinking. This reminds me of a recent conversation with my cousin sister, when she said something apt, “A self defeating thought is like an ant. If you don’t get rid of the first one, very soon there will be this big line of ants that you will often find difficult to get rid of.”

People regularly lie to themselves. Some of the biggest lies that have a very high negative impact are:
”I cannot do this”

Let me repeat, since you lead your life, one thing is clear: You are a leader. And a leader is one who has a commitment to produce a desired result, even if it’s considered extraordinary, given the perceived circumstances. So, by telling yourself that ‘You cannot do something’ you’re lying to the leader within and dousing the fire and passion within you.

I recently got acquainted with a young man who works with his father. He manages the business exactly the way his father did. He has some great business ideas, but he believes he cannot execute them. He keeps saying to himself that he cannot do it. What surprises me is that he has not even attempted to execute these ideas, which could be potentially huge business opportunities. Of course, this is resulting in enormous [potential] financial loss. But to me, the greater loss is that of the opportunity for his inner spirit to express itself—the loss of a chance to build his confidence and for him to prove to himself the marvels that he is capable of. For only when he allows himself to get out of his comfort zone will he discover that ‘he can do it!’

Are there any lies that you’ve been telling yourself? Every time you catch yourself saying “I cannot do this”, ask yourself, “If I could do it, how would it be?” That will give you the courage you need to go forth.
“S/he is responsible for the problems in my life”
I have a friend who blamed her older brothers for where her life was before her marriage and then blamed her husband for her life situation after marriage. From what I know, the
brothers tried their best, given their circumstances, to provide whatever possible support they could to their younger sister. And the same can be said about her husband. He too gave her all the love and luxuries that any good husband could give his wife. However, here was a young, bright and talented lady who was not ready to shoulder the responsibility of her life and continued to pass the buck.
If you shift the blame on others for any issue of your life, you also relinquish the power available to you to transform that area of your life.
“That’s not true about me”

Every executive I know claims that s/he appreciates feedback. However, when genuine feedback is provided, the person dismisses it, and instead finds fault in what the other person said. Let’s face it—this is who you are in the eyes of the person giving you the feedback.
Whether you like it or not, accept it or not, the other person believes that about you. Leadership requires self-awareness and denial is one of the greatest obstacles that a leader faces in becoming self-aware.
“This is who I am”
That’s great! However, authentic leadership is all about your actions being consistent with who you hold yourself to be—for yourself and for others. If this is who you are, then let your actions show it and not your words. By claiming who you are, you have managed to
attract people’s attention. But when your actions are not consistent with your declarations, you have a problem now in the way you will be perceived.

According to L. Ron Hubbard, “Livingness is going along a certain course impelled by a purpose and with some place to arrive. It consists mostly of removing barriers in the channel, holding the edges firm, ignoring the distractions and reinforcing and re-impelling one’s progress along the channel. That’s life.”

So, identify your purpose and know what is that you want to arrive at. Once that is done, stay true to that purpose, remain consistent and rid yourself of all the distractions and barriers that prevent you from getting there.

Article originally written for The Complete Wellbeing February 2013 issue.

Sameer Dua, Founder Director, Institute for Generative Leadership, India

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